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#12

This was going to be more work than I thought. I had run from Luke’s house, to the subway and back to my place, after a perfect and completely tantalizing (completely) kiss. By the time I got home, Derek had called wondering when would be a good time to pick me up.

I sat on my bed for a moment to relax myself and then changed from my skirt to a pair of torn jeans. Paired with a long sleeve, low neck T, and a feather necklace, it was perfect for my date with Derek.

I dialed his number when I was finished, “Hi” I said as he answered. His deep and gravely voice melted me.

“Hey sugar, you ready?”

“Yeah, just finished changing.” I leaned back and lay on the blankets.

“Can I come over now? I’m just a few blocks away.”

I instantly got paranoid. Maybe this two-timing thing wasn’t going to work, what if he had seen me? What if he already knew? But then, who knows where I was running home from even if he had seen me. I could have been anywhere.

“Yeah, come over. And hurry, I’m needing to cuddle.” Lame. Would I ever be able to put a ‘cool‘ sentence together? Maybe I was trying to hard.

Derek was even better in person than he was on the phone. And that’s saying a lot. His phone voice is enough to make any girl want him, but in real life, he’s the walking Zeus. His leather jacket was muted with wear, jeans that were clean but used looking and a washed out Tshirt made him look like a bad guy. His chin length blond hair softened his look and those insanely deep blue eyes held your attention.

I leaned against the door as I let him in and his hands found their way to my hair. I had left it down and he brushed his fingers thought it and lifted me slightly towards him. “Hi cutie.” His lips kissed me softly and then moved down to my chin, then my neck and then my collarbone.

Goosebumps. Down my entire body. And I couldn’t answer him.

#11

That night, at dinner with Luke, I felt that stupid pen hitting me in the head over and over again, reminding me of what drama I was potentially causing in my life. Was it worth it?

I decided to push those ‘moral thoughts’ aside and have fun for a little while. Just a little while.

Luke sat in front of me like a tempting piece of chocolate. Something I wanted, so badly, something that tasted so good, but in the end wasn’t great for my health and something I knew I couldn’t resist.

His brown hair was messy, in a ‘It’s supposed to be like this’ kinda way.  His short sleeved dress shirt was just tight enough on his biceps to show those smokin’ muscles. He finished his mouthful of pasta and put the napkin on the table, “So, are you ready to go back to my place?”

My heart fell. Crap. I didn’t want to have to lie to him already, I was hoping he would just not ask that question. But I was never that lucky…

“I, uh, I have plans with the girls tonight,” I prayed (ironic hey, that I prayed while I lied) that he wouldn’t look to deep into my eyes and see my lie.

“Oh,” disappointed, I could hear it. “Well, that’s alright. The game is on anyways. Tomorrow night though?”

“Yeah, for sure. I really wish I could, but the girls have been planning this for ages and I can’t ditch out on them now. Sorry, I should have told you.”

He lifted my hand from the table and kissed it. He was so perfect. What was I doing playing him like this?

“You’re sure?”

I was quiet for a moment while my heart stopped fluttering from his kisses, “No” I said softly.

He smiled that crooked smile that says “I won”.

Dear Journal

I have secrets. Some of them I can’t share with anyone. No one would understand and they creeping up on me and making me short of breath. I wish I could just tell someone how I’m feeling, but I can’t think of anyone that might want to hear my words or anyone that would be understanding enough.

I need someone who will understand that these thoughts and wishes are completely honest. That I’m not being dramatic or making things up for attention. That I truly want what my heart is aching for.

And because of these thoughts and dreams (they’re not dark ones…to clarify) I am feeling confused and yearning for peace and satisfaction.

Maybe one day I will share my deepest thoughts with you.

…Maybe…

#10

“What other guy?” Lorah stared at me.

“The one I went on a date with last night,” I reached into one of the boxes I was unpacking and pulled a colourful dress to hang up.

“…and?”

“And he’s really nice.”

“Kitty!”

“Haha, ok, fine!” I sat on the chair in front of her desk and lounged back. “He’s super sweet and completely different than Luke. He’s taller, long blond hair, not quite as muscular. He’s more rough, like a tough guy.”

“And how long have you been seeing him and not telling me?!” Lorah leaned forward and almost layed on her desk, her hands in a “I’m going to wring your neck” motion.

“A couple weeks…”

“And why two of them?” I must have looked confused as she asked me this because she repeated in a slightly frantic tone “Two guys, why the two guys?”

“Because they asked me out and I couldn’t say no! I wasn’t planning on dating two of them at the same time. I’m not normally like this! But Derek, oh, that’s his name the blond guy, asked me out the day after I met Luke. And I thought I would just go and see what he was like…and I haven’t been able to break it off with either of them! They’re both so cute in their own ways!”

“Yeah, but you have you. You know that right?”

“But why?”

“Because it’s just not right! You can’t date two guys at the same time. People just don’t do that…” She looked at me and pointed her finger as I tried to argue this point, “In real liiiife.”

“But I want to. They’re both…so cuuuuute.” I knew I was whining.

“Are you seeing either of them tonight?”

“If I am will you hit me?” An evil laugh told me she probably would and I cringed. “Luke and I are going out for dinner and I’m spending the night at Derek’s. Ouch!” A pen hit me in the head.

#9

“You make me sick,” Lorah rolled her eyes as a the delivery guy passed me a bundle of roses.

I wasn’t supposed to work this morning, but I had so much to do at Mickies (the designers) that I decided to come in for a few hours to finish things up.

I set the roses on my desk, shuffling papers away from the vase I had put them in and continued to unpack the boxes stacked up beside my desk. “You’ve gotten flowers at work before,” I grinned at Lorah and tore the tape back from the box.

“Yeah, from that freaky copy guy from down the street. That doesn’t count,” Lorah laughed.

“Flowers are flowers,” I knew it wasn’t true, but what else was I supposed to say?

“Your flowers are from a soul mate, from some flukey guy you met and have huge chemistry with. How did that even happen, by the way? You weren’t even looking for a guy.”

I decided to tell her the truth. “Actually…” I leaned on my desk. My heels were killing me. “The flowers aren’t from him.”

Her face said it all. Mouth open, huge eyes.

“It’s another guy.”

#8

“What if you had plans?” Janelle’s smart comment came from the couch after I read the message out loud.

“But I don’t,” I sipped my coffee. I still had an hour to get ready for this mysterious meeting.

“But if you did…”

I ignored her and thought about what to wear. In the end, it wasn’t what I thought I would wear, but the oversized sweater and leggings were perfect.

The bakery wasn’t far from my place – a short two blocks – and as I walked closer I saw Luke, my beautiful stranger, sitting waiting for me with a handful of flowers.

“Hi,” I was almost breathless. Not just from the walk or just from seeing him, but a little bit of both.

“Hey.” His smile was so perfect. A little bit cocky, but with those soft eyes, he was a heart-breaker.

I sat on his lap and leaned towards him for a beautiful kiss. A soft kiss. His lips were so warm and firm, his hands held my waist. We smiled at each other when we came up for air and I ran my fingers through his brown hair.

“I just wanted to see you today, did you have anything planned this afternoon?” How was this guy just dancing at a club? He’s too perfect for me to have just met. By fluke.

So Saturday afternoon was spent in the arms of my perfect stranger, having coffee, walking in the park and sprawled on the bare grass studying each other.

Total.

Perfection.

Big sigh.